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Today's Not a Good Day For This [PG]

Title: Today's Not a Good Day For This
Author: havocthecat
Pairing: None
Rating: PG
Summary: Freaky Friday? Any day in Eureka is just plain freaky. Though Carter has to admit that this is more than the usual amount.
Author's Notes: Written for celli for eurekathon 2.0, with the prompt: "Carter gets caught up in a GD experiment gone wrong (like always), and ends up swapping bodies with Nathan or Allison. (Bonus points for both!)" It's not quite a body-hopping saga for Carter, but remember that ep of Farscape? Yeah. I hope that works out instead. :) Serious thanks to medie for a rushed beta job after all the hassles of doing sgabigbang with me just before.


They'd been standing in Fargo's 'office,' far away from any experiments that were running, so when the flash of light and the sonic boom had erupted in the hallway just outside, Carter had been surprised. Also, he'd been knocked to the ground. He didn't like either either one happening, especially not at Global Dynamics.

"Fargo!" he heard himself yell. Only problem was, he hadn't opened his mouth.

"Who said that?" asked Carter. Except Allison had said it. He opened his eyes, groaned, and shut them again. After a minute of very loud silence, he opened first one eye, then the other. "What the hell just happened here?"

Right. That was Allison's voice. But it sure as heck wasn't Allison talking. There was a sick, lurching feeling in his stomach, and then Carter opened his - Allison's - mouth. "Oh, God."

"This isn't happening," said Nathan, who was staring down at himself in horror. Which meant it probably wasn't Nathan in there. "Please tell me this isn't happening."

So, wait, if Carter was in Allison's body, and he heard Nathan calling for Fargo in his body, that meant--

"Yes, Sheriff Carter, that's Allison in my body," said Nathan. Carter wondered if he always sounded that irritated, or if that was just the affect Nathan had on his voice.

Something in Carter - uh, Allison's - stomach twinged, and by "twinged," he meant "invisible hands were pummeling him while wearing boxing gloves inlaid with steel." Carter groaned and put Allison's hand over her stomach. "Ow. I think something got broken when I got put in your body, Allison."

That chuckle coming from Nathan's body was really weird. "Nothing's broken," she said.

"Then what is it?" His voice was way too high pitched. Another set of twinges hits him, and he thinks it might be someone trying to twist his stomach around his spine in three directions at once. He groans and falls back on the floor. "Can someone please fix this, please?"

The ceiling was incredibly unreceptive to his complaints.

"It's not fixable," said Allison. She sounded almost as irritated as Nathan normally did in his body.

"How did this even happen?" asked Carter. He wrapped Allison's arms over her stomach and groaned again. "Who do I get to arrest?"

"Fargo," said Nathan sourly. He pushed himself up and stared at Carter's hands. "You have the ugliest hands. Did you know that?"

"Oh, shut up," said Carter. You know, Allison didn't sound all that different from him when he was irritated. Or maybe it was just the way he sounded in her body. "My hands are just fine."

This was getting creepier and weirder by the minute.

"How are we going to fix this?" asked Allison. She was leaning back against Nathan's desk and loosening his tie.

"The pertinent question is how fast can I fire someone?" asked Nathan. "I get to fire whoever did this before you get to arrest them."

"Just call Henry," said Carter. "Henry can fix anything."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you have a crush on him," said Nathan.

"Oh, shut up," said Carter. He was wondering if Allison would kill him if he tugged her pantyhose off. How did women wear these things every day? His stomach was turning inside out, and he wasn't going to put money on his kidneys being untouched. "Seriously, Allison, what's going on? Shouldn't you see a doctor? My stomach is killing me."

"For Christ's sake," snapped Allison, and wow, she sounded pissed. "Shut up and deal. They're just cramps, Carter, and I only took ibuprofen an hour ago."

"No, no, no, no," groaned Carter. He rolled onto his side. "How much do I have to pay you never to tell either my daughter or my deputy about this?"

"There's not enough money in the world," said Nathan. "I look forward to your eventual humiliation, Sheriff."

"I'm doomed," said Carter. He groaned as another cramp hit him. How had Allison managed to stay upright all day? "Can someone please kill me?"



( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 5th, 2008 03:09 am (UTC)
*delighted laughter* Oh my God, that is PERFECT.

Poor Carter. (NOT)

Aug. 5th, 2008 03:37 am (UTC)
I have never, ever regretted making this ficathon gen quite as much as I did while writing this story, I have to say. Because, seriously, like this isn't a prompt that's just begging for threesome fic? Wouldn't that be the best?

Mind you, Carter wailing about having cramps? Is a close second. So I'm very glad you liked this!
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 5th, 2008 03:57 am (UTC)
Body swaps are some of the best fics out there. There's unlimited potential for serious crack. :)

And for inflicting cramps on the half of the population that really needs to understand them.
Aug. 5th, 2008 04:09 am (UTC)
"How much do I have to pay you never to tell either my daughter or my deputy about this?"

"There's not enough money in the world," said Nathan.

This is fantastic! Hilarious and as much fun as Eureka fic should always be.
Aug. 7th, 2008 01:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :) I figure with Eureka, you almost have to bring the crack when ficcing it.
Aug. 5th, 2008 04:31 am (UTC)
*giggles with delight*

Oh, how I love that you gave him cramps. That's so hilarious!
Aug. 7th, 2008 02:00 pm (UTC)
I just couldn't resist.
Aug. 5th, 2008 12:40 pm (UTC)
*cracks up* Oh dear lord, this is absolutely hilarious! HEE! Poor Jack! Fargo really picked the wrong day to screw up. *grins*
Aug. 7th, 2008 02:01 pm (UTC)
*snickering* I suspect Fargo may be assigned to be Global Dynamics' liaison with Taggert. Or with Jo. Probably with Jo. She'd be meaner.
Aug. 5th, 2008 09:04 pm (UTC)
Bwhahahahaha! Fargo is so many kinds of dead, there aren't enough words to describe it :) Heh. And Stark is going to have a great deal of fun, once he's fired Fargo. Love it!
Aug. 7th, 2008 02:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and yes, I almost feel sorry for poor Fargo.
Aug. 6th, 2008 03:10 am (UTC)
Body swap \o/ ! It's one of my favorite sci-fi tropes ever! And this is HILARIOUS. Poor, poor Carter, and his total inability to deal with pain.
Aug. 7th, 2008 02:03 pm (UTC)
*snickering at Carter* He's not going to forget this one for a while.
Aug. 6th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC)
Hee, such fun!

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you have a crush on him," said Nathan.

Whee, yes! I ♥ those Henry and Jack together.
Aug. 7th, 2008 02:05 pm (UTC)
Yes! Henry and Jack! I almost never see fic on that pairing though. Do you happen to know where some can be found? (And thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this!)
Aug. 8th, 2008 12:11 pm (UTC)
All I've ever seen is H.O.U.S.E Call by catwalksalone - short but good.

But here, have a sweet picture (though don't click if you've not seen the last episode).
Aug. 7th, 2008 04:07 pm (UTC)
Very cute. Excellent Carter voice.
Aug. 9th, 2008 05:47 am (UTC)
BWAHAHAHAHA! Perfect. Oooh, I just got an idea . . . a female researcher is getting tired of PMS jokes and wants to show the guys what it is they're mocking . . .
Aug. 23rd, 2008 05:48 am (UTC)
Ha! That was awesome. If all Eureka fics are this good I'll certainly enjoy the fandom. =)
Sep. 18th, 2009 12:37 am (UTC)
I'm apparently the LAST PERSON in fandom to discover this community, so please forgive the late response.

Three-way body-swap fic is always better than two-way AND it's totally within the realm of possibility in Eureka canon AND, if it did happen, it would happen to these three AND it *would* be Fargo's fault.

This story is so good, it made me forget how to punctuate!
Dec. 28th, 2009 09:06 pm (UTC)
oh, this could SOOOOOO happen in canon, which makes it totally believable, and absolutely HYSTERICAL (sorry for the caps-lock, Eureka just brings out that side of me!!)
Sep. 13th, 2010 11:40 pm (UTC)
Hee, this is a lot of fun!
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )